Pepperdine News and Events

New Book by GSEP Alumnus Takes a Novel Approach to Interpersonal Conflict

Conflict comes from many places, including our own misperceptions of someone else’s behavior.

Have a Nice Conflict, a new book just released from Jossey-Bass and coauthored by Michael Patterson, Ed.D., a graduate of GSEP’s doctoral program in organizational leadership and now an adjunct faculty member teaching in the same program, reveals many of the dynamics that are happening between people during conflict situations.

Written in the form of a novel, Have a Nice Conflict follows one man's fight to save his relationships and rescue his sinking career. Sales manager John Doyle would consider his career a success—he's his company's top salesman, and his take-charge attitude gets the job done. But when he is passed over for promotion—again—after losing two employees, who cite his abrasive style as their reason for leaving, John is forced to reassess how he approaches his relationships. With the help of Mac, an expert in the art of Relationship Awareness Theory, John learns the three stages of conflict, and how he reacts in each. John also learns that a person’s perceived weaknesses may offer clues into their positive strengths.

So what’s behind those annoying behaviors?

People choose the way they interact with others based on what best enhances their own feelings of self-worth. So when you find your blood pressure rising in response to another person’s incessant (fill in the blank), consider the following...

• What is the intent behind what appears to you as a weakness? Chances are people aren’t trying to annoy you. People are almost always trying to do good and feel like they’re contributing. Relationship Awareness Theory states that weaknesses are nothing more than positive strengths taken to extreme or misused.
• What strength are they overdoing? Try to look for the strength behind the annoying behavior. What if they dialed it down a little? If you feel a person is “smothering” you with attention, it’s likely their intention is just to be “helpful.”
• Try to understand them better. Discovering a person’s strengths may help you discover what they value. This kind of understanding can improve your relationship by helping you better interpret their motivation.
• Prevent conflict in yourself by avoiding misperceptions. When you take the time to understand a person’s values and how they attain self-worth, you are less likely to find yourself in conflict over their behaviors.

Relationship Awareness Theory is based on the research of pioneering psychologist, clinical therapist, and educator Dr. Elias H. Porter (1914 - 1987), the book reveals practical, memorable relationship-building and conflict management techniques. Once John Doyle recognizes his own values and conflict trigger points, as well those of other people, he becomes able to better navigate terse situations, express his points in a way that resonates for other people, and even avoid conflict altogether.

“Conflict is normal. A lot of people want to avoid conflict, but we say it’s possible to prevent it – to actually stop it from happening,” said Dr. Michael Patterson, also a vice-president at Personal Strengths, a global training and personal development company.

Preventing conflict is about proactively making better choices in your relationships that respect different personality types and foster powerful, productive interactions. If a conflict can’t be prevented—and let’s face it, some conflicts will happen despite our best efforts—we can learn to manage conflict by identifying it quickly and creating conditions that lead people back to a place of feeling good about themselves.

"Writing this how-to book in the form of story allowed us to capture the drama and even humor of interpersonal conflict the way we all experience it,” said Patterson. “And frankly, people can relate to stories better — concepts become more memorable and real when framed in a narrative.”

Have a Nice Conflict can be found at all major bookstores and online booksellers with special offers and events available February 6 – 10, 2012 as part of Personal Strengths’ Conflict Prevention Week. Visit www.haveaniceconflict.com/preventionweek for more details.

If you’d like more information about this topic or to schedule an interview with Dr. Patterson, contact Kent Mitchell at 562-889-8286 or kent@ps4sdi.com.

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